Sunday, June 28, 2009

time to ketchup!!!

Cohen fake cries now too. i can't help but laugh.

loves to eat sand.
mmmmm. yummy.

love this smile!
Orlando Temple.

beautiful boy.

it's been too long since i last blogged. its always so much harder to do it when i let it go this long... blah. let's see where to begin! 

Cohen! the joy and entertainment of my life... he is a crack up! he seriously keeps us laughing. he is babbling his mama's and baba's like usual but now he has a new one. its sorta like nana with a twist. like gna gna. pretty stinkin cute. he is mimicking us as well. if we say mama he'll repeat after us. i love it. he has 6 teeth too! he can even stand up on his own but as soon as he realizes he is standing he lowers himself to sit. he also learned how to throw the volleyball we have. he throws it and then crawls super fast after it! the other day he was crawling around exploring and mid crawl he would lay flat on his belly and rest and then hop up on all fours and start again. so hilarious. you had to be there. atleast gwen was here to enjoy it :) she's pretty much my bff right now. i'm  so thankful she is here. we've spent a lot of time together and i think it helps us since our hubbies are gone all day. she is soooo great with cohen too. he loves her! she was the one who noticed if you hold cohen when he doesn't want you to he'll move your hands off of him. she's very observant and super helpful. she always offers to watch him so marcel and i can go on a date and i have yet to take her up on that offer since funds are tight but soon! we are in desperate need of some alone time. payce, her husband is marcels good friend from high school and they  are our neighbors out here. we love it! marcel and payce always run back and forth over "the bridge" between our apartments. we eat together practically every night. it's going to be weird when we go back to utah and have to adjust to not having them right next door. we have a great group of people here with us. wesley and bronson have a little girl named zuri who is almost one next week! her and cohen are buds. bronson is brothers with dallas who is here with his new wife kylie. i love both of those girls. they are so sweet and sincerely nice. the are both really easy to get along with. 
Marcel and I got a calling recently too! we are in the nursery! i did't realize how much i would love it! the kids in nursery are soooo sweet and are a little bit of work but they teach me so much and help me prepare for what is to come with cohen. i can't wait to have another baby. cohen loves kids too. when he sees other kids he just stares at them and watches everything they do. when the primary kids sang in church last sunday cohen settled dow and just silently listened. which reminds me today when i was changing his diaper at church he was super wiggly so i started to sing "you are my sunshine" among other songs to distract him and i swear he started singing back, it was the sweetest sound! he is really learning to use his voice. i can't wait until he is talking. 
i know that  at some point in my life i am going to look back and read this entry so i feel the need to share some of my personal struggles at the moment so that i may look back and see they ways the Lord has helped me through them later. lately, as in the past few months, many of our friends and family have known about the struggles in our family with marcel losing his job and losing our apartment. we have done are best to pick up the pieces and work hard and we have both made an effort to do what is right. i still feel as though we haven't gotten through that devastation. financially we are still scraping by and that stress has lead to a lot of tension in our home and within our marriage. i feel constant stress, worry and fear. this whole situation has prompted marcel to go to college which is something i see as a positive result of our loss. i can't help but worry about we will get by with him in school and limited time to work. i plan to do what i can to help but i don't know many ways that i can make money while taking care of cohen. i know my priority and purpose is to keep him as my focus but i feel so helpless in our financially hard times. i have no idea where we will live when we get back to utah and don't even know if we'll make enough money here to get a place. ah! i'm so so so scared. i have so little control right now and i know i need to rely on my faith  in the Lord to lead us through this unknown time but i feel so alone. i've been very emotional for several weeks now and just feel so beaten down by this life and all the challenges. i cry so easily and often. i need to find peace. i am reminding myself that this life is not easy nor was it meant to be. i need to endure and endure well. we have been to the temple in orlando and couple of times and it was exactly what we needed to remind us what this life is all about. i fully intend on making more frequent trips to the temple when we get back. every time i go to the temple i feel the urge and prompting to have another baby. i have been resisting because i don't have inner peace about our situation at home right now. i want to get to that point though so we can continue to build God's kingdom. i am so thankful for the temple and for good friends and examples in my life at this point. they truly are helping through this challenging time in my life. they are  my angels :)

1 comment:

kamille said...

hi, i hope you don't think this comment is weird or scary, but i am alexis rasmussen's friend (actually, our husbands are cousins) and i found your blog through hers. as i was reading your post, i could totally relate and wanted to just tell you that even when you think it won't be okay, it will!

we haven't experienced a job loss but we are extremely poor and basically only have enough money to pay rent, buy groceries, and pay utilities. it is hard to have so little money and to never be able to buy the things we want, but we have learned a lot. we have learned that there really isn't too much in life that you can't do without. all in all, even though we are poor financially, we are rich and blessed spiritually and even temporally.

it definitely is a challenge, as a wife and mother to find ways to do things to help earn money, but you're right, your calling is at home and somehow you will find a way to get by! my husband is also in school and cannot work, so we know how it is. debt is never great to have but at least student debt is one of those debts that is acceptable and even necessary.

i hope that you are feeling better (since a month has passed since you wrote this). i just wanted to leave a comment of hope and tell you that there are people out there in your similar situation and although there are bad days, it is helpful to know you are not alone!

ps, my name is kami :) and actually, you might think i am weird for remembering this, but we were both at olivia's 1st b-day party and i recognize you from that.